Autumn Reds

 

Some recent pictures taken during my walks through Astoria. I've been spending so much time in that neighborhood recently, it's almost like I live there. There have only been a few days this season where I've really felt the presence of fall. Although I famously love summer and the warm weather that accompanies it, I long for the crisp air that makes me shiver. This fall has brought with it a combination of eerily warm weather and a deep sense of frustration and exhaustion. Although, it seems to be changing. The smell of smoke has been clinging to the air recently (due to the recent forest fires, here in Prospect Park as well as New Jersey, Massachusetts, and throughout the East coast), and it reminds me of the way my grandparents house in New Hampshire smells around this time of year. I don't love the fact that the underlying cause of the fires is drought; this is strange for the Northeast, and an alarming reminder of climate change. But it does bring me a little joy to pretend I am in the countryside, my grandfather lighting the wood in the fireplace as I come home from a walk in the woods with my grandmother. I don't love climate change, I promise!! But I do love my grandparents, and this season makes me think of them quite often.

My First Post!

Hi all! 

First post here (I realize I am basically talking to myself). It's been a while since I sat down and wrote. Do people blog anymore? Is Blogger a website that people are still using? Probably not, but I really do miss the early to mid 2000's nostalgia that this site evokes in me. I was never on tumblr or pinterest as a teenager, and I am growing increasingly tired of what instagram has become. Despite this, I have a strong urge to construct an internet archive of my life, even if only to look back on it one day and remind myself of the stupid but honest little thoughts that run through my brain. There is something compassionate about documenting ones thoughts and feelings, especially as we become increasingly distracted and mental fog clouds our brains. 

This was the day before Halloween. I know this photo is not aesthetically pleasing, but I am a little bit (maybe more) tired of aesthetically pleasing photos. I want to see more mediocre photos. Photos that remind us of how mundane everyday life is; photos that make us hyper aware of how ugly everything around us can get. Beige sidewalks stained with dirt and chewing gum. A lime green XL buzzball lying in a soggy pile of leaves. I kind of feel sorry for it, discarded and all alone like that. It wasn't even Halloween yet, and the nights leading up to it were already getting out of hand. What happened? Was it a group of girls passing the bottle around on their way to the next club? I can imagine the way the street lights must have looked to them, a blur of yellow and white against a black sky. And the air must have felt raw against their faces, but not as cold as it should have. I see an arm lowering, a hand losing grip, and the green ball spinning, in slow motion, towards the ground. And they don't notice. Two hours later, three drunk men come walking down the same sidewalk, laughing, slurring their words. One pushes the other towards the street. He staggers, one of his feet almost caught behind the other. He catches himself and presses his foot firmly on the ground, crushing a bright green plastic ball below him. He won't remember this the next morning.

If everything was beautiful, nothing would feel real. Although I am intrigued by pictures of sunsets and pretty cocktails, I need to be grounded in reality to remind myself that I am a real person and not a social media persona. Yes, the mundanity of life can be quite hideous, but it is sort of endearing.